onsdag 22 januari 2020

I have reached my fuck it age!

I am writing this in english.
I'm far too good at stating the obvious.. but oh well …

I have been thinking a lot about how we grow and mature as humans. As persons and individuals. What it means to become an adult, to be mature and to find ourselvs and all that wich people talk about. You start off as a child. You grow, physically and mentally, and you evolve, you mature and you keep growing. But why is it that so many people, the majority it seems, think of ”mature” and ”adult” in a way that indicates boring and strict?

Why are we expected to become less playful? Why is specific styles in clothing and personality deemed ”wrong” for an adult? I never got this, but I have spent way too much time in my life trying to adhere to unwritten rules that I never saw a reason for.

Finding my true self, and it wasn't so much finding as rediscovering, has been, and still is, a wonderful thing. I am in no way done yet either. I still find out more of who I am in different aspects. And I am learning to be who I am. Completely. Inside and out. This does not mean I will run around naked in the streets just because I found out I like to be naked outside in the summer. I do that on my own turf, and does not subject other too it, for their sake. But I do it. And I do so much more.

I find clothes I like. Really, really like. Not as in, ”I guess this is ok, and people will not react” but ”I fucking love this thing with ALL THE COLOURS, and I will wear it wherever I want!!” I will wear my cap, or a hat or a bonnet or a scarf, I will wear pink plush pants everywhere I go, or a skirt that people think I am crazy for wearing to the store. I will have all the haircolours I want. I will dance, not like nobody is looking, because I DON´T CARE, but like I feel like. I will dance as much or as little as my body can handle. I will sing, I will play, I will slaugter monsters in videogames, I will read, I will draw, paint, sculpt, I will do woodcarving and I will ride around in our old hippiebus with my wonderful, awesome man who is himself just like I am myself.
And we are both childish and mature. Adults and silly. We are ourselfs as much as we can.

It took so much time to get here ….
But I will never ever leave!

My blog links

My life in photos My old photoblog.

Living with the monkeyboys My old blog about the kids and their problems.

Explaining mental abuse My blog about mental abuse. I started it as a help for myself to work with all the remaining issues of my experience of this.

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